I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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