sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
