it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
