I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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