You smell like a Billy Joel song
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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