Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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