He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I supernannyed him into submission
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
