at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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