btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
where am i from again
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize