come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
