as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
