I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
