Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
