so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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