Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize