I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
