how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
