Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
