dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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