I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
