Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I could make wine with my vomit
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
