i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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