she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
