Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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