Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
