y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
