Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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