This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
