im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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