how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
