I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
