I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
