And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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