Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
