I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
