woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
