i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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