took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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