he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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