6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
