Who wears a wallet chain?!
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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