Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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