Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
