i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
