girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize