Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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