Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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