I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize