Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
