On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
