I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
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