Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
