i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
