he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
