First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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