Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
