we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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