I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
