Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
