Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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