I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize