i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
