We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
