1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You are a genius and a whore.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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