You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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