you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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