ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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