Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
