Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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