Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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