the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
