Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
