Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
