That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
