oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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