when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
