but the lizard people decide everything anyway
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
