You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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