It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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