Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
