another moral hangover. fuck.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
