5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
