I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize