You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize