Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
