what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Your cock deserves a montage
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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