Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize