My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
