i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
