I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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