Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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