see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
