I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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