I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
