Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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