I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
