he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize