Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Just puked most of my soul out..
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
