i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
