Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i think i have herpe
just one?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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