can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
