Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
