When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
she smelled like a LAN party
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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