I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize