Christians are straight up FREAKS
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
