you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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