omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
even my farts smell like vagina
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
