all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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