I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
