people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
